Can’t Lose for Winning

CITY OF CHAMPIONS (Guest Writer from Motownphilly) – With work holiday parties just around the corner…here’s my experience from last year (I don’t plan to repeat in any fashion whatsoever)

It was time for our yearly “holiday” party. First off, our company party is usually beat. Everyone from work comes and it is a limited open bar. They would give us tickets for beer, like a frat party in college. Then all of the drunks would have to run around and collect tickets from people who didn’t drink when we ran out of tickets. On a bright side, we always had an open bar party afterwards at another bar. None of the beat people would come and we could really let loose and have a good time. After that, we had an after after party at hotels in downtown Philly, so no one had to worry about getting home.

This year we received some bad news. The company would no longer be providing limited beer and wine at the party. They tried to give some lame ass excuse that it was for liability reasons…. Cheap bastards…. Well, being to good alcoholics that we are, we made it BYOB. We kept it on the DL from upper management but it had to be done.

So we started drinking at 1… the Captain was treating us well. As usual, the party was boring but we had the after party to look forward to. My plan was to take it easy, because I wanted to get home that night and sleep in my own bed. We left the company party at 4 and headed of to the bar where we were having the open bar from 4 to 8. We had put together a good crew of people from work, so we where having a good time. We usually have a party like this once a quarter to maintain some sanity, and it usually the same crew of people. The holiday party is different though, people take it to another level.

I am putting back the beers at a good pace and feeling good. I am still sticking to my plan that I am going to head home after this and not go to the after after party. But then one of the new guys, fresh out of college, starts ordering up rounds of shots. He grabs me and that’s when my plan started to go out the window. It was 7 at this point and I figured a couple shots wouldn’t hurt me that much. Wrong… This is where the blackout started. I can hold my liquor well, so most people don’t even know how drunk I am most of the time. We left the after party at 8 and headed over to the after-after party. I kind of remember tripping over a bum on the way but not really. We stop by another bar for a drink and then make our make to the hotel. We walk into the room and the party is on.

Then I came up with another good one, time to pull the ghost move and catch a train home. It was about 10 and it was easy to make a disappearing act because everyone was so loaded at this point. The train stops running at 12:30, so I knew it was a good time to split.

I make my way to the train station… I can barely even read at point, so I get on the first train. Problem was that it was the wrong train. I didn’t figure this out until 15 minutes into the ride. So I got off in Manyunk and started to wait until the next train came. The nice thing was that it was in a part of town that was full of people our age and were partying. So I fit in a nice. I catch the next train back to a switching station. At least I am starting to sober up. I get to the switching station, Temple University. For those of you that have never been to Philly or to Temple for that matter, it is not a good area to be around in late at night. Unless you like bums begging for money, and the slight chance that you get robbed or shot. I knew I had to get out of there… The train to take me home finally came and I was happy to be out of there and heading in the right direction. It was 12 at this point and I knew it was one of the last trains to my place.

So I wake up in an empty train with no clue where I am. I couldn’t remember what train I got on in the first place. I walk around the train cars for a little while looking for some one to at least tell me where I am…. No luck there, so I find my way out of the train and start walking the tracks… It is about 2 am at this point and I figured I would find something that I knew eventually. So there I am walking the track and freezing my ass off. I cross over some road but I still have no clue where I am. Then I pass by an airport with jet airplanes… still no clue. Then I crossed over a highway. I decided to hop the fence and start thumbing it. I still had
no clue where I was or if I was at least heading in the right direction. I walked for about a mile with no luck. Then I saw a sign and realized that I was in New Jersey and I was on 95. At least I knew where I was at this point. Then a Jersey State Trooper drove right by me, my 2nd clue that I wasn’t in Pennsylvania anymore. I came up on an exit and got off 95. They were doing some construction, so there were empty trucks all over the place. I try to get in one for some shelter. Bingo, first one I tried was open. I got in and started dialling my boys to pick me up. Problem was, they were either too drunk to drive and too drunk to know where I was. I quickly realized that this truck was not cutting it because it was so cold. I found a engineering trailer close by…. most of them where locked, but I found one that was open and heated. So I found a place to sleep and I was out.

I woke up at about 8 am on some dudes desk. Got up, sat at the deck and started dialling for a ride. One of the guys that was at the party agreed to pick me up. I told him what exit I was at to pick me up. I walk to the exit and look down street and see a Marriott…. yeah, that would have been nice last night. He got there an hour later am took me home.